Octopus Burger

Look at this Octopus Burger.



Just look at it.

It is the best thing that I ate on my recent DINNERGEDDON visit to Berlin, Germany.
(Not Berlin, USA...)

It came from the excellent White Trash Fast Food, which is not just a killer burger joint, but also a live music venue, night club, and late night tattoo parlour!

Hmm. Can't think of anything that could possibly go wrong with having a rock club and tattoo parlour under the same roof...



On the subject of this incredible Octopus Burger, the White Trash menu has this to say:

"100% yummy, funny looking food. In Puglia, everyone eats it. Young and old people, even the McDonalds there serve the 'Tentacle Supreme Burger'. Now we bring civilisation to the primitive Berliner food ghetto. One whole octopus, marinated, grilled, and served on a bun with Fuck You fries..."

That kinda says it all.

When they say "one whole octopus" they mean it! This thing was HUGE! It was also exceptionally well cooked. Light, soft, not rubbery or overcooked at all. I seriously could eat about a hundred of these.

In fact, I was so busy eating it, I only took the one photo of it... But here's the same picture again so you can get another look at this beauty!



I mean... DAMN.

If this food was a film, it would definitely be:

One Seriously Pimped-Out Banana!

Yeah we're back.

It's been a while, huh?

Anyway, whatever.

CHECK THIS OUT.

This banana has got delusions of grandeur!
But, much like RAEKWON, I say go with it.



Nobody is getting hurt, and there is a certain charm to the improbable arrogance that makes me, well.... wanna buy into the hype despite knowing it'll only encourage further antics...

This is where it goes down. Taylor Street, on Queen's Road, Brighton. (There are a few of these in London too, if that's how you roll...)



It's a nice little coffee place that manages to keep a simple, non-corporate vibe even in the face of their obvious success. Plus their Joe is seriously mean. Check this out!



That is hella dark!

Somewhere in Oxford University, a dude and a lady in orthropedic shoes are trying to calculate the mass of this coffee, that's how black it is. It is like, this cup of coffee has it's own Event Horizon, and if you were to jump inside it, you would be spat out of a latte on the other side of the universe.

Powerful black.

Anyway, back to this gnarly banana.



I graduated from "sweet breakfast" long ago as a youth.
I cast aside those faithful friends of old such as this motley crew I used to love so well...







...ok, maybe not that last one.

But the point is that once I had my first bacon/egg combo at the age of around 9 or 10, I was THROUGH with sugar for breakfast. I was totally savoury, until around lunchtime or so when I'd have my Penguin Chocolate Biscuit.



And so it was with great trepidation that I revisited the sweetness-in-the-morning game by sacking up and ordering the FRENCH TOAST at Taylor Street.

I mean, this was gonna be pretty damn sweet, right? A fried banana on top of sugared bread. With this whole jug of maple syrup, just for me!



I followed their instructions, and doled out a liberal application of the nectar... At least there was bacon on the plate to entice me in!



Oh man, one bite and I was HOOKED. The whole thing kinda coalgulates together into a big gloopy, sticky mess... it's hard to tell where banana ends and bacon begins.



Before I knew it, I had snarfed the whole thing.



I must admit, I'm not sure how "French" this "French toast" really was, but it is a winner with me.

Well done, you crazy sugar-breakfast French people!

Middle Farm: A Trip Into The Drunken Wilderness

Follow this sign for good times!

It leads the way to Middle Farm which could well be considered the Graceland of food in the picturesque Sussex countryside.

Look, this is Sussex:



See? Picturesque.

Look, more Sussex:



*Nice*.

What we are trying to tell you, is that the Sussex countryside is a totally perfect place to get absolutely Boris Yeltsin'd on cider.

In a barn.



That's right Bo-Bo! Step this way...



The Middle Farm cider barn is virtually foaming over with excellent cider and perry. Here's how it works.



Shelf after shelf of wonderful alco-beverage, each with a hand-written label giving simply the name, origin, price per pint, and strength. Upon arrival you can pick up a disposal plastic shot-glass, and are turned loose on the barrels.

Self-service taps and virtually no supervision mean you can taste and taste and taste again to be sure you find the right booze for you before purchasing.



Here we see our test-subject, administering his first sample.

EXHIBIT A:



The verdict?



Hey, that's not bad!



Of course, in the roulette-wheel of cider tasting, your number can't always come up...



In the bin with it.
What was that one called again?



Oh I see.

Fear not! You can always spin again.



...and again.



...aaaaaand again.



Maybe just a couple more times for luck.



When you think you've "had enough" simply purchase one of these handy jugs to help you bring your favourite drink back home.



Fill 'er up!



Other note-worthy sights in the cider-barn include several borderline pornographic beers:


Plus the addition of a fine selection of non-alcoholic alternatives, because you WILL need a designated driver to get you home...



Incidentally, DINNERGEDDON's top tipple in the whole damn joint goes to this fruity little number:



Matured in rum-casks to take on a deeply tasty caramel-esque flavour, it's one we find ourselves carrying home time after time... and an East Sussex local brew no less!



Beam me up Boris... it's time to have ourselves a Hoe Down!



Rock on, comrade.

Cooking With Fred Durst

HOT-SMOKED SALMON & PRAWNS WITH PUY LENTIL SALAD

This dinner is delicious and nutrious. It is so easy to make, that even Fred Durst could cook it.



Listen Mr. Durst.
Let's say you, Chester Bennington from Linkin Park, Coby Dick of Papa Roach fame, and revered broadcaster Walter Cronkite are all hanging out swapping tattoo-ideas when you start to get peckish.

YOU CAN FEED YOUR FRIENDS!



Your adventure begins with you gathering together the following items.

Hot-Smoked Salmon Fillet (250g)
Shelled, Cooked Prawns (200g)
Cous Cous (roughly one and a half cups)
Puy Lentils (roughly one cup)
Red Pepper (diced)
1/2 Cucumber (diced)
Green Peas (maybe 150g)
Fresh Parsley (finely chopped)
1 Lemon
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Salt & Pepper

[Serves 4]

1) Boil the lentils for 10-15 minutes. Meanwhile, cover the cous cous with hot water, add salt & pepper to taste, and leave to soak.

While waiting, you might want to perform a rap song for your guests.



2) When the lentils are *almost* done, add the peas for just a few minutes. Drain, run under cold water, and set aside to cool.

During this time, why not seduce a young pop-star?



Or not...

3) The cous cous should now be nice and fluffy. Using a fork, stir through a dash of olive oil, checking seasoning as you go. Add salt if needed. Add the cucumber, peppers, peas and lentils. Stir in freshly chopped parsley and the rind from your lemon.

Now might be a good time to check on your guests, and perhaps amuse them with a high-brow joke.



Ha ha! Good one, Fred!

4) For the dressing, squeeze the lemon juice into a small bowl with roughly the same amount of olive oil. Whisk together with a little black pepper until nice and thick.

It's nearly ready... are you looking sharp?



Snazzy!

5) Portion out the lentil salad into four individual serving bowls. Top with flaked salmon and prawns. Drizzle over the dressing and serve!



Delicious! So good for you, too.
Plus it was a snap to make, meaning that you can get back to doing what you do best.



Just be yourself man!
DON'T EVER CHANGE.