This place has got some serious class.
It's West Stoke House, in the picturesque country-side outskirts of Chichester, and it's the fanciest, hoity-toitiest place that I have ever eated at.
I present you with Exhibit A:
That is one class-act of a chair. Park yourself in that, and you're pretty much ready to pick up an enormous Bakelite telephone, and order some "Tommies" to go "over the top". This chair is a long way from the corner-booth at Wimpy.
Exhibit B:
Did I mention that West Stoke House considers itself to be a "restaurant with rooms"? That means that after you've dined on some gnarly top-notch food, all you have to do is waddle up a couple of stairs and flump down onto this plush king-size bed (there's that chair again, too).
What we're essentially talking about here, is a bed & breakfast beyond any you may have experienced before.
Here's the view out of our window the morning after:
Man. So peaceful. If somebody showed me that picture and claimed it was taken in 1910, I would have said "Of course, I trust you completely."
Lastly, and by far the most important... Exhibit C:
Hell yeah, this place has got it's very own Michelin Star, a world-wide mark of distinction so prestigious that it needed at least 72 tiny animated gifs to come even close to illustrating its significance.
Now, not to give you the impression that we at Dinnergeddon are unsophisticated street urchins, but this was to be our first experience of Michelin approved food, and we were very excited indeed to see what would be on offer.
I suppose you could say we were "stoked" for Stoke House.
You could say that, if you felt like you had diplomatic immunity from the Pun Police.
(You don't.)
This tree is on the grounds. Mental.
We acquired a vantage point, and surveyed the area.
Dinner was afoot!
After arrival, we were told to wait in "the lounge" while our table was prepared. We were met by the head waiter, an eager-to-please young fellow who was the spitting image of Tim Curry's character in the film Clue.
Tim Curry brought us some fine blended Whiskey, and we chatted through the menu with him.
Each course basically had two options, all prepared from fresh local produce and selected by the head chef that morning. We made our choices, and were informed that we could now go through to the main dining room.
Our wine selection was already open on the table, breathing heavily in anticipation of our arrival.
We had a little trouble getting pictures of the food for you unfortunately. The lighting was very subdued, and we were trying to be discrete about it so couldn't really use flash, so please excuse the dimness and blurrification of these shots...
The meal began with an amuse bouche of "Chilled Melon Soup with Mint Foam". It may look like a miniature pint of lager, but in actuality it was a delicious little shot glass of fruity freshness. I couldn't really taste the mint foam too much, but then again, I did neck it like a tequila slammer before spotting others in the room delicately sipping at theirs, so maybe I did it wrong.
Still, it was a very nice way to kick things off.
Next up were "Queen Scallops in Sesame Bread Crumbs with Wild Salad".
Wow. This was incredible. The bread crumbs were actually crushed sesame seeds which coated each of the enormous scallops and gave them a highly crunchy, Eastern-style finish. Dishes like this haunt my dreams for weeks afterwards. So incredible, so light.
We also had "Slow-cooked Pork Belly with Sticky Pork Cheek, Pea Shoots, Edemame and Port Jus."
That sounds like a bit of a mouthful and it most certainly was. The Asian-vibes continue with the stickiness of the pork cheek, which really did melt on your tongue in the most beautiful way, as well as with the freshness of the shoots and the edemame beans. The whole dish was so fragrant and delicately arranged (in a way that this high-contrast picture sadly cannot show) that it was almost a shame to cut into it.
Two big thumbs up so far!
There isn't really enough room here to get into the finer points of the pro/con veal debate, but I will say that when it's responsibly sourced from local livestock that haven't been forced to travel, then I personally do not mind ordering this by-product of the dairy trade. If you feel different, please do say so in the comments.
Fortunately, this dish of "Veal Three Ways" was prepared with such care and passion that it was worth every moment of hemming and hawing. It featured braised fillet, rolled bone marrow, and an elegant rose-shaped piece of tongue. Gorgeous.
"Pan Roasted Wild Bream and Calamari on Haricot Bean, Bacon, Portobello Mushrooms."
Whooooo yeah. Perfectly cooked fish, with appropriately crispy skin. The true mastery of this though was the way the smoked bacon gave the beans a really rich earthy flavour, and the mini calamari rings perched on top were a nice finishing touch.
It's worth mentioning that throughout the meal, Tim Curry did not allow us to touch our wine bottle.
Any time that our glasses were at all close to running low, he would run in and top them up for us, making sure not to look us in the eye or appear to be eavesdropping on our conversation. This was handy, because we spent quite a while talking about him.
And finally...
Chocolate Dessert Plate:
Mmm! Triple chocolate mousse shot, chocolate-apricot torte, pistachio crumble!
Fruit Dessert Plate:
Mmm! Strawberry-custard shot, vanilla cheesecake, raspberry-toffee sorbet!
Needless to say, this all mounted up to a whole lot of excellent food. I tottered up those few smalls stairs to that gargantuan bed, stopping only to receive another glass of fine whiskey from Tim Curry.
I slept like a baby.
"But surely," I hear you cry, "this is a bed AND breakfast?!?"
Quit your belly-aching. I will tell you about the breakfast right now.
It happened here:
Nice, right?
The butter was cute:
The mini little butter knives were also cute:
And the wee little piglet we ran into outside after eating was the cutest of all:
Which was a slightly awkward meeting to be honest, because the breakfast itself consisted of...
Mmm! Bacon! Sausage!
With haggis and a fried duck egg!
The perfect way to start a classy day.
Sorry little piggy, but I'd do it again in an instant.
